In 2003, I was engaged to a very nice man we will call Allen. I have talked about this engagement before. As a recap, Allen had a six year old daughter. He also had a mother that considered the daughter her daughter. So, in his mother’s eyes, I was taking away her only son and her “daughter” she had a “special relationship” with. Furthermore, the daughter had ADD, and I was trying my best to create a healthy lifestyle for her to help with her ADD.
I was trying to force my will against something that, frankly, wasn’t going to change.
One morning, the mother/grandmother came by to pick up the daughter/granddaughter. I was still in bed. It is funny how you know the sounds and routines in your house. I could tell by the pause from when the front door opened and when it closed that the mother/grandmother had a “little conversation” with Allen. And my intuition knew exactly what the conversation was: she was upset at how I had “treated her” the night before at a family function.
And inside, something broke.
I realized that I was striving for acceptance in a family that didn’t like me. I was trying not to act like a mother while doing all the “mom” work. I was twisted in knots and not being myself. That break was me surrendering. I surrendered to the reality that I was sacrificing who I was in order to be with him…and it wasn’t working.
With reality of the situation hitting me, I realized I had two choices. If I stayed in this situation, I would not be who I was in 5 years. I would be someone completely different. And if I left, I would be breaking off an engagement and hurting someone I truly cared for, but I would be saving myself from destruction. Continue reading Surrender and Heal
Many people are stubborn. I had never thought of myself as stubborn until I learned I was an Enneagram 9. Only then was able to see that I’m easy going, but don’t ever tell me what to do. I will turn around and do the opposite thing so fast I don’t even realize I’m being stubborn.
Being stubborn can cause us to not read our situation correctly. It can cause us to be blind. And the more we are blind, the less we are able to see that whatever method we are using to solve a problem just isn’t working.
Hopefully, we eventually realize that we are acting insane. Well, maybe not that extreme, but you understand what I mean.
But what if you are doing the same thing over and over again because you don’t know what else to do?
“Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.” ~ Margo Anand
“Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.” ― Duke Leto Atreides, Dune by Frank Herbert
Two weeks ago, I talked about discovering what makes you You. This is the first step to true healing, discovering who you are and what your passions are. You can read the blog here if you missed it.
What comes after, that is the true healing.
I remember in college, when I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. He moved away to LA to become an actor. Strangely, I’ve just recently seen him in a couple of commercials. So, I guess that finally worked out.
It wasn’t until after he left that I realized how numb I had been those three years. I had been walking through the relationship as if I was a zombie. Life just was as it was. It’s crazy to me now to look back at who that Heather was and how much she disassociated from herself. I obviously wasn’t happy in that relationship. But I was so numbed out that I didn’t realize.
This is classic Enneagram 9 behavior, by the way. When an average or unhealthy 9 is in a situation they don’t like, they just check out and go through the motions. Because, being numb and going through the motions is much safer than creating a confrontation and changing the situation. It is unusual for a 9 to break off a relationship because of the confrontation it creates. This was the last relationship I was in where I was that unhealthy. Every relationship I had after that, I was the one to break it off. Why?
Back in 2009, life was a bit stressful in the Yoga Nerd household. My husband’s business was still finding its feet and he wasn’t taking a paycheck. I wasn’t making enough to cover all the bills, so our credit card debt was rising.
Driving to a massage gig one day, my mind was spinning on all of these stresses. My stress level was rising with every spin around my fears. It was very uncomfortable and not helpful at all. And I was very aware it was not fair to my clients to receive massages from a person whose mind was spinning in stress and fear. I needed to do something to change my state of mind. Continue reading Smiling Makes Us All Superheros
I’m often asked, “What the hell is energy healing?”
This is a good question. As much as I’d love to go into the science of it, I really don’t want to…because I hate the science of it. I’ve read articles and watched YouTube videos both supporting and debunking energy healing. Let me tell you this instead.
I’ve experienced some crazy things over the years from when I was studying energy to my own practice with clients. I’ve seen people change and grow from energy sessions, including myself.
The Enneagram system and how it helps Yoga Nerds walk the healing path.
If you missed my previous blog on why I love the Enneagram and how it helped me on my healing journey, you can read it here.
Every time I try to describe the Enneagram, it comes out very flat and uninteresting. It sounds like I’m describing yet another personality test that will, yet again, tell you that you are a questioning, introverted, emotional person. But what good does that information do? Most personality tests give you black and white information and no guidance on what to do with it. It’s like the test is saying, “You are what you are. Live with it.”
We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves.
– Galileo Galilei
I’ve been a massage therapist and energy healer for over 15 years. In that time, I have seen people grow mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I’ve watched with awe as they change their lives. I have also seen people remain stagnant despite their desire to be a healthier person. During these 15 years, I have noticed patterns in the people who succeed in healing. I’ve observed what is needed for a person to walk toward healing and what holds them back. These are the 7 truths I know about what is needed to heal.