Surrender and Heal

In 2003, I was engaged to a very nice man we will call Allen. I have talked about this engagement before. As a recap, Allen had a six year old daughter. He also had a mother that considered the daughter her daughter. So, in his mother’s eyes, I was taking away her only son and her “daughter” she had a “special relationship” with. Furthermore, the daughter had ADD, and I was trying my best to create a healthy lifestyle for her to help with her ADD.

I was trying to force my will against something that, frankly, wasn’t going to change.

One morning, the mother/grandmother came by to pick up the daughter/granddaughter. I was still in bed. It is funny how you know the sounds and routines in your house. I could tell by the pause from when the front door opened and when it closed that the mother/grandmother had a “little conversation” with Allen. And my intuition knew exactly what the conversation was: she was upset at how I had “treated her” the night before at a family function.

And inside, something broke.

I realized that I was striving for acceptance in a family that didn’t like me. I was trying not to act like a mother while doing all the “mom” work. I was twisted in knots and not being myself. That break was me surrendering. I surrendered to the reality that I was sacrificing who I was in order to be with him…and it wasn’t working.

With reality of the situation hitting me, I realized I had two choices. If I stayed in this situation, I would not be who I was in 5 years. I would be someone completely different. And if I left, I would be breaking off an engagement and hurting someone I truly cared for, but I would be saving myself from destruction. Continue reading Surrender and Heal

I am the monster. Goo Goo Gajoob!

Since the beginning of the year, I have been trying to walk a new path in my life. A proactive path where I create my own life. If this sounds common, or ridiculous, please know that for a 9 on the Enneagram this is terrifying. As a 9, I like to merge with others. I am comfortable helping people live their lives. Which means, I’m not great on living my own life.

This might seem odd to you coming from me. Me, who took a risk and left the corporate world to become a massage therapist when everyone else told me it was a bad idea. But I’ll let you in on a little secret…sometimes 9s look fear in the face and say, “Don’t care.”

Continue reading I am the monster. Goo Goo Gajoob!

What makes you YOU?

“For young women, I would say, don’t worry so much about your weight. Girls spend way too much time thinking about that, and there are better things. For young men, and women, too, what makes you different or weird, that’s your strength. Everyone tries to look a cookie-cutter kind of way, and actually the people who look different are the ones who get picked up. I used to hate my nose. Now, I don’t.” – Meryl Streep

I’ve always loved Meryl Streep. And after reading this quote, I’m including her in the yoga nerd family. She doesn’t know that, unless she happens upon this blog, which would be SUPER AMAZING! I love her and she is always welcome in our family.

This advice she gives, to not worry so much about your weight, I talked about in a previous blog, the Wasted Energy of Weight Obsession.  In this blog I want to talk about the other half of her advice. Find your strength in what makes you different or weird. This is exactly the road I describe to healing. Only through discovering who we are, and loving who we are, will we find peace and happiness.

So first, we learn to appreciate what makes us different.

Actor Nicolas Cage April 9, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Ilya S. Savenok/Getty Images)

And here’s the thing, we are all weird and different. Think about how boring the world would be if we were all the same. For example, what if we all looked like Nicolas Cage? Continue reading What makes you YOU?

Am I Normal? Enneagram 5

An example of why the Enneagram is so helpful in relationships.

I saw this postcard on PostSecret and it broke my heart a little bit.

Credit PostSecret June 3rd, 2018

This is a perfect example of how much the Enneagram can help people. I would guess that this person is an Enneagram Type 5. Continue reading Am I Normal? Enneagram 5

7 Truths about Healing

We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves.

 – Galileo Galilei

I’ve been a massage therapist and energy healer for over 15 years. In that time, I have seen people grow mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I’ve watched with awe as they change their lives. I have also seen people remain stagnant despite their desire to be a healthier person.  During these 15 years, I have noticed patterns in the people who succeed in healing.  I’ve observed what is needed for a person to walk toward healing and what holds them back. These are the 7 truths I know about what is needed to heal.

Continue reading 7 Truths about Healing